Blood, Babes, Chopped or Chewed?

MACHETE
ACTION/MEXPLOITATION

ACTIONHOUNDS I GOT ANOTHER FOR YA!!! WOLF, WOLF, WOLF!!! This movie has everything exploitation---blood, babes and action!!! Based on a fake trailer from “Grindhouse” Machete is now a great kick-ass movie. The story is about a federal agent Machete (Danny Trejo), determined to take down Torrez (Steven Segal, who is very good being bad), a gangster. But instead Torrez kills his wife and child. He tries to kill our hero, but Machete won’t stay dead.

He comes a few years later as a non-immigrant day laborer and he gets paid to kill Senator McLaughlin (Robert DeNiro) by Booth (played by Jeff Fahey), McLaughlin’s right hand man(he is greedy, power mad, and lusts for his own daughter) but he is set up!! I saw this movie because of Alex Jones (infowars.com and prisonplanet.com), who thinks it will start a race war because of the unpopular immigrant laws in Arizona. I can see why he is upset!!! They make the Mexicans look like scum yet saintly, and the evil people in power are white, just like in the blaxploitation movies. I hope they make more 'mexploitation' movies like this!!. It is very entertaining!!

Danny Trejo is UGLY, but he is a BAD-ASS!!! The ladies---sexy Jessica Alba is good, but Michelle Rodriguez steals the show as Luz aka She’. Pretty, and pretty tough. Lindsay Lohan is good playing a partying slut. For the guys' information, she goes topless, and some Latina actresses are nude!! Should you see it? If you like excessive violence yes-if not wait for Blu-Ray and DVD.

PIRANHA 3D
Horror/Suspense/SCI-FICTION

This movie is true exploitation!!! It has blood, boobs and a monster what needs killing!! Plot is not really important but here it goes. It is Spring Break (for a movie released in late summer???) and the college kids go wild!! Sand, surf and sun abound, but what they don’t know is that a small earthquake hits and opens the lake floor, it brings out small, verrry hungry piranhas. As I said, plot is not essential here. The movie is short, but if you enjoy tons of blood you can’t wait to see the flesh eating fish chomp on the oversexed college students!!

I am trying to figure out why talented stars like Elisabeth Shue, (Leaving Las Vegas, Hollow Man), Ving Rhames (Mission Impossible movie) and Richard Dreyfuss (Jaws) are in this!! Jerry O’Connell as a coked up, annoying director got what he deserves, and the piranhas have more taste than the director Alexandre Aja has. It is a funny, gross gore scene, trust me. The 3D effect doesn’t really help the flick much. James (Avatar) Cameron did a sequel to Piranha--1978 titled Piranha 2. Should you see it? Only if you like creatures in the water. It is a better-grade Saturday night 'Syfy' movie.

Cruel Summer--Salt, Predators

SALT
ACTION/DRAMA/THRILLER

Simply stated story--Evelyn Salt (Angelia Jolie) is a CIA agent married to a good man, and has a dog. She is about to celebrate her anniversary when a defector tells her that she is a Russian spy and she is supposed to kill the Russian president when he comes to New York. The people she trusts don’t trust her in an instant, and she has to prove her innocence and stop the assassination. The action sequences are fantastic!!

Angelina Jolie is amazing. She can take a beating and give one as well. She is a very good actress, but when it comes to action movies--she is the BEST. Producers should pair Ms. Jolie and Michelle Rodriguez (Machete) in a female buddy action movie, because these women can pull it off. Liv Schreiber as her friend and boss Ted Winter gives a good performance. The amazing Chiwetel Ejiofor (2012, Four Brothers) is very good trying to capture Salt at all costs, but knows something is not quite right. I do hope there is a sequel and I hope Ms. Jolie keeps doing action movies.

PREDATORS
ACTION/ADVENTURE/SCI-FI

This film is more of an official sequel to the original, than the film Predator 2 made in 1990. It stars Oscar winner Adrien Brody and in this year, Slice as Royce unwillingly become leaders of a bunch of killers, mercenaries and convicts trapped on an island where they are hunted by-–you guessed it--Predators!!! That is basically the story, but it is very action packed and suspenseful. It is amazing how the aliens know the group’s weaknesses and take them out one by one.

People, it is a ‘body count’ movie, which simply means actors are there to be killed off by the monster or slasher to keep the movie going. The cast is very good--Topher Grace (70’s Show and Spiderman 3), Alice Braga (Repo Men) Laurence Fishburne (CSI, Matrix movies), and Danny Trejo (Machete). I don’t know why it didn’t make money--it was very good. Maybe it took too long to make. Watch it when it comes out on Blu-Ray and DVD.