Blood, Babes, Chopped or Chewed?

MACHETE
ACTION/MEXPLOITATION

ACTIONHOUNDS I GOT ANOTHER FOR YA!!! WOLF, WOLF, WOLF!!! This movie has everything exploitation---blood, babes and action!!! Based on a fake trailer from “Grindhouse” Machete is now a great kick-ass movie. The story is about a federal agent Machete (Danny Trejo), determined to take down Torrez (Steven Segal, who is very good being bad), a gangster. But instead Torrez kills his wife and child. He tries to kill our hero, but Machete won’t stay dead.

He comes a few years later as a non-immigrant day laborer and he gets paid to kill Senator McLaughlin (Robert DeNiro) by Booth (played by Jeff Fahey), McLaughlin’s right hand man(he is greedy, power mad, and lusts for his own daughter) but he is set up!! I saw this movie because of Alex Jones (infowars.com and prisonplanet.com), who thinks it will start a race war because of the unpopular immigrant laws in Arizona. I can see why he is upset!!! They make the Mexicans look like scum yet saintly, and the evil people in power are white, just like in the blaxploitation movies. I hope they make more 'mexploitation' movies like this!!. It is very entertaining!!

Danny Trejo is UGLY, but he is a BAD-ASS!!! The ladies---sexy Jessica Alba is good, but Michelle Rodriguez steals the show as Luz aka She’. Pretty, and pretty tough. Lindsay Lohan is good playing a partying slut. For the guys' information, she goes topless, and some Latina actresses are nude!! Should you see it? If you like excessive violence yes-if not wait for Blu-Ray and DVD.

PIRANHA 3D
Horror/Suspense/SCI-FICTION

This movie is true exploitation!!! It has blood, boobs and a monster what needs killing!! Plot is not really important but here it goes. It is Spring Break (for a movie released in late summer???) and the college kids go wild!! Sand, surf and sun abound, but what they don’t know is that a small earthquake hits and opens the lake floor, it brings out small, verrry hungry piranhas. As I said, plot is not essential here. The movie is short, but if you enjoy tons of blood you can’t wait to see the flesh eating fish chomp on the oversexed college students!!

I am trying to figure out why talented stars like Elisabeth Shue, (Leaving Las Vegas, Hollow Man), Ving Rhames (Mission Impossible movie) and Richard Dreyfuss (Jaws) are in this!! Jerry O’Connell as a coked up, annoying director got what he deserves, and the piranhas have more taste than the director Alexandre Aja has. It is a funny, gross gore scene, trust me. The 3D effect doesn’t really help the flick much. James (Avatar) Cameron did a sequel to Piranha--1978 titled Piranha 2. Should you see it? Only if you like creatures in the water. It is a better-grade Saturday night 'Syfy' movie.