Vengeance, Sharks and Human Monsters

SHARK NIGHT 3D
THRILLER

The movie Jaws, the blockbuster in 1976, made us fear sharks, and since then there has been sharkploitation!!! The latest film is this one. It is not really about anything but a bunch of hot teens being lunch for the predators. The sad part the monsters are not always in the ocean. It is slightly better than a Syfy movie. Acting is not a main point of the movie, but two performances stand out. Sinqua Walls (who plays in Friday Night Lights) as a victim, and Donal Logue, who starred in the cancelled series Terriers, as the sheriff. It will be do MUCH better on video than in the theaters.

CONAN THE BARBARIAN
ACTION/FANTASY/ADVENTURE

In 1982 a genre was reborn, with a sword and sorcery yarn titled Conan the Barbarian starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, that became a hit. Now this movie was remade with the same title different actor Jason Momoa as Conan. Plot, acting not really the focus of this film but hacking, slashing impaling and slicing is what it is all about. The story is about revenge. Conan was born on the battlefield and saw his father killed by Khalar Zym, played by Avatar’s Stephen Lang who is searching for parts of a mask to make him a god, and bring his dead wife back to life.

Now grown, Conan goes to find his father’s killer and helps Tamara,(Rachel Nichols) a pretty young woman who can make Zym become immortal. Momoa looks fine as Conan--he is big and brutal however Nichols is no Sandahl Bergman, as his love interest. Bergman won a Golden Globe for her role, and her character could be malicious, but she cared for her man. Nichols, not so much. Rose McGown as Zyms’ evil daughter displays some really bizarre outfits and kinky tastes. Very good. Stephen Lang is okay as the villain, but he could have been much more. It didn’t make money, and I don’t know why. It will do better on video.

COLOMBIANA
ACTION/DRAMA

I don’t know why this movie is called Columbiana, as you think that is the name of the character Zoe Saldana plays, but her name is Cataleya (named after a flower in Colombia). It is a B movie, as Cataleya sees her parents gunned down in front of her and she becomes a slinky hit woman. She is the Latina Kill Bill!! It is typical, dumb, and it’s surely not Oscar stuff, but it is a good popcorn movie. Zoe Saldana is good having emotions despite the fact she is a stone-cold assassin. I can see why the movie was number 2 at the box office. There is room for a sequel but I really doubt it. It will do better on video.