Muppets, Vamps and Thieves

TOWER HEIST
ACTION/COMEDY

The title tells you what the movie is about but the best part is Eddie Murphy being funny again!! He does well playing Slide, a low rent thief among Ben Stiller, Matthew Broderick, Casey Affleck who rob their boss Alan Alda, a Bernie Madoff type who rob them of their pensions!! It is clever but not what you expected from the trailer. If you like Eddie Murphy see it –if not wait for video.

THE MUPPETS
COMEDY/FAMILY/MUSICAL

This is a crazy, cute movie. It is about Gary (Jason Segel Bad Teacher) and Walter a muppet—they are brothers!!! Don’t ask. Walter becomes a fan of the muppets and they go to Hollywood to see them but the gang has gone their separate ways and the evil Tex Richman (Chris Cooper) wants the studio for there is oil beneath. Walter has to get the band back together. Don’t ask. Ask should you see it? Yes!!! It is amazing. If you love these cuddly creatures and they make fun of themselves and pop culture. The highlight is Chris Cooper rappin”!! If you know the actor you know why it is absurd.

IMMORTALS
FANTASY

In this movie you should know Greek mythology it will help some. There are three reasons you should like this movie 1-Henry Cavill (he will soon be Superman in Man of Steel) 2- Mickey Rourke good actor and 3-the lush visional effects by director by Tarsem Singh (The Cell, The Fall). For you action hounds it gets good at the end. Plot is simple Theseus (Cavill) is a mortal man chosen by Zeus to lead an army against King Hyperion (Rourke)who searches for a magical bow and arrow to enslave humanity. Acting not really important but good but the action is great. If you didn’t enjoy 300 you shouldn’t go but if you did –GO!

TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN
FANTASY/ROMANCE

OMG, why does this franchise make so much money!!! I did enjoy the last one a little but this one is boring. You should read the author’s books even if it is bad it does help if you are interested. I am only reviewing as a movie. The Twihards know the story Edward Cullen (Robert Patterson) the vampire is marrying Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) the human much to the objection of Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner) the werewolf who is in love with her. The odd couple goes to an uncharted island off Brazil and they have bed-wrecking sex and Bella gets pregnant and all hell breaks loose!! It shouldn’t be boring but it is. The director is Bill Condon who directed Dreamgirls and writer Melissa Rosenberg who writes Dexter. I don’t know why it is not good as the last one. I hope the final film is much better. The ONLY thing good about this franchise is young girls and women can make a blockbuster.

Fall 2011 DVD Wrap Up

SOLOMON KANE-2009
ACTION/FANTASY

This is an excellent fantasy movie!!! Based on Robert E. Howard the same writer for Conan and based on a comic book of the same name. He was a mercenary then a monk then a killer again but to kill evil. He is a Puritan swordsman. It sounds corny and typical for this kind of genre but James Purefoy who plays Kane is not a one note character- he is kind one minute cut-throat the next. He is a very serious Van Hesling!!! The cast and the production are quite good. I don’t think it is on video in the United States and I don’t know why, if you see it you will enjoy it.

TACTICAL FORCE
ACTION

Nothing like a direct-to-DVD action movie!!! It is a b film all the way but it is very funny!!! Wrestler Stone Cold Steve Austin is Tate, leader of a group of wise-cracking, kick-ass SWAT team that include Michael Jai White (Black Dynamite) Lexa Doig (Andromeda) and Steve Bacic. They botch up a hostage situation at a grocery store which their captain sends them to train without live ammo and of course a real crime is being committed by two rival gangs who want what is in the suitcase. Plenty of action and vile language but at least it is comical. Michael Shanks (Stargate: SG1 ,Hawkman in Smallville) is a foul Russian. If you like action b movies you can’t go wrong!!!

RED STATE
HORROR

This film is a downer and it is not the typical horror movies you’re used to. It is about three teenage boys who want sex and finds it with grim consequences. Director Kevin Smith (Clerks, Clerk 2, Jack and Miri Make A Porn, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back) made a great movie no one will see. It has the crazy preacher Abin Cooper played very well by Michael Parks .He deserves an Oscar nomination. It is offensive, violent, and exploitative but it is the best, bizarre movie I ever seen!! Mr. Smith couldn’t find distribution for the movie and if you see it you know why. The movie didn’t make much money and it is on video. If you got a strong stomach watch it, if not it should be on IFC.

THE REUNION
ACTION/COMEDY

John Cena is a very popular wrestler in the WWE. He has been trying to be a movie star. He is good-looking but bland. He needs to be a superhero, Captain Cena perhaps? In this film he is one of four siblings who hate each other but will get three million dollars if they can work together in a business. Cena is not funny but Ethan Embry (Freaky Links, Fairly Legal) as one of the brothers. It is good but better on DVD. I really hope Cena gets to be a movie star for he is very successful in everything else.

All For One and Four for Fall

REEL STEEL
ACTION/SCI-FI/DRAMA

Nothing like robot action!!! It is a boxing movie, but instead of people it is robots. So if you like the Transformers or are a big kid at heart you will love it. It has all the clichés you see in a sports movie and a father who doesn’t know his kid. The best part and stars of the movie are the 8-foot robots attacking each other!!! Hugh Jackman is in it, but the people are not really interesting (at least) to me. Action hounds, you will love this. I am surprised this didn’t come out in the summer!!!

JOHNNY ENGLISH: REBORN
ACTION/COMEDY

Rowan Atkinson is back as secret agent, but funny Johnny English. He has to save the Chinese prime minster from getting killed. This time around it is more spy stuff than silly. There are great moments but it really plays like a thriller. Everyone is good including Gillian Anderson (Scully, X Files), Dominic West (Punisher War Zone). But the show stealer is Pik Sen Lim as Killer Cleaner!! She is elderly and deadly!!! It is good if you like Atkinson but if not, wait for video.

PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 3
SUPERNATURAL THRILLER

The third installment of this film like all the others---using a hand-held camera to tell a frightening story of Katie and her sister Kristie being haunted by an entity. A lot doesn’t happen in the movie but it has jolts of scares when it does. You don’t need to see the first two movies, but it would help. This one made more money than the last, so I guess there will be another. Get ready!!!

THE THREE MUSKETEERS-2011
ACTION/ADVENTURE

Hollywood seems to make this story written by Aleixandre Dumas over and over again, and this time it has lots of special effects. You know the plot, but it’s got that Pirates of the Caribbean films feel going on. The villains are great and Mila Jovovich (Resident Evil) is devious as double agent swordsman Milady DeWinter. Orlando Bloom is very odd but good as the bad Duke of Buckingham, and Mads Mikkelsen (Casino Royale---the bad guy with the bad eye) shines as Rochefort. Once again he’s got an eye problem!!! Christopher Waltz (Inglorious Bastards, Green Hornet) is great as Cardinal Richelieu. If you like this story with the updated twist you will enjoy it, otherwise please wait for video.

From Summer Madness to Fall Sadness

KILLER ELITE
ACTION/THRILLER

This movie is based on a true story about Danny (Jason Statham, Transporter) who saves his kidnapped mentor Hunter (Robert De Niro) by a sheik who wants vengeance for his sons’ death. It gets more complicated and that is what makes it good!!! The film goes to different countries and you feel you are in a spy movie as well. Before seeming the movies I was wondering why the great actor De Niro was doing in it after watching it I know why. Action hounds will love this for there are great many action sequences. I don’t think it did well in the theaters for it is not the straight forward kick-ass movies Jason Statham fans are used to. It will do MUCH better on video!!!

CONTAGION
SCI-FI/THRILLER

The film is a grim story of how a disease can cause paranoia, violence and panic!! It is not a popcorn movie; it is meticulous, scary, realistic and frightening. Gwyneth Paltrow, Matt Damon, Laurence Fishburne and Jude Law are excellent in the movie but like I said-–it is a good movie, just not a very happy one. It made money the first weekend, then took a dive, and if you’re brave enough to see the movie you’ll see why. What is so scary about it-–it could happen at any time.

ABDUCTION
ACTION/THRILLER

First, to truly enjoy this film you have to believe Taylor Lautner star of The Twilight movies as an action hero!!! If you can’t get past that you won’t enjoy it. Direction is by John Singleton, of Boys in the Hood, and is about how Taylor’s great life is lie, as he finds out the truth about his real parents. You have seen it all before but it is nice Lautner is trying to branch out before Twilight ends. The movie is action packed compared to the two Twilight films combined!!! It made more money than his co-stars of the Twilight films but not much. Girls watched the movies more than guys so I guess men don’t see the heartthrob as a badass.

DRIVE
CRIME DRAMA

The trailer you see for this film is misleading!!! It is not an action movie!!! It has action in it, but it is far from what you expect. It is not a car chase movie either. What it really is part independent film, part film noir, part crime drama. The acting is great, especially from Ryan Gosling, and even comic Albert Brooks is very good as a gangster!!! The story is simple---a stuntman also does part-time work as a driver. Nicolas Winding Refn directing is as strange as his name. This film is not for everybody, so for many, video is the only way.

Vengeance, Sharks and Human Monsters

SHARK NIGHT 3D
THRILLER

The movie Jaws, the blockbuster in 1976, made us fear sharks, and since then there has been sharkploitation!!! The latest film is this one. It is not really about anything but a bunch of hot teens being lunch for the predators. The sad part the monsters are not always in the ocean. It is slightly better than a Syfy movie. Acting is not a main point of the movie, but two performances stand out. Sinqua Walls (who plays in Friday Night Lights) as a victim, and Donal Logue, who starred in the cancelled series Terriers, as the sheriff. It will be do MUCH better on video than in the theaters.

CONAN THE BARBARIAN
ACTION/FANTASY/ADVENTURE

In 1982 a genre was reborn, with a sword and sorcery yarn titled Conan the Barbarian starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, that became a hit. Now this movie was remade with the same title different actor Jason Momoa as Conan. Plot, acting not really the focus of this film but hacking, slashing impaling and slicing is what it is all about. The story is about revenge. Conan was born on the battlefield and saw his father killed by Khalar Zym, played by Avatar’s Stephen Lang who is searching for parts of a mask to make him a god, and bring his dead wife back to life.

Now grown, Conan goes to find his father’s killer and helps Tamara,(Rachel Nichols) a pretty young woman who can make Zym become immortal. Momoa looks fine as Conan--he is big and brutal however Nichols is no Sandahl Bergman, as his love interest. Bergman won a Golden Globe for her role, and her character could be malicious, but she cared for her man. Nichols, not so much. Rose McGown as Zyms’ evil daughter displays some really bizarre outfits and kinky tastes. Very good. Stephen Lang is okay as the villain, but he could have been much more. It didn’t make money, and I don’t know why. It will do better on video.

COLOMBIANA
ACTION/DRAMA

I don’t know why this movie is called Columbiana, as you think that is the name of the character Zoe Saldana plays, but her name is Cataleya (named after a flower in Colombia). It is a B movie, as Cataleya sees her parents gunned down in front of her and she becomes a slinky hit woman. She is the Latina Kill Bill!! It is typical, dumb, and it’s surely not Oscar stuff, but it is a good popcorn movie. Zoe Saldana is good having emotions despite the fact she is a stone-cold assassin. I can see why the movie was number 2 at the box office. There is room for a sequel but I really doubt it. It will do better on video.